Monday, November 8, 2010

Why do we get married? I mean WHY REALLY??? .

by SAFAH » Sun Nov 07, 2010 8:23 pm
Asalamu'alaikum

Bismillah.

Why do we get married? I mean WHY REALLY??? .

Why do we get married? It’s very straight forward question which requires a straight and honest answer!!! Let me ask those who are already married, why did you get married? And let me ask those who are in a hurry to get married or planning soon to have a husband or a wife, why are you getting married? What do you want exactly by getting married?


When such questions are posed to someone, you can’t really find that person ready with the answer, simply because he has no intention as to why he is getting married.


Do you remember what the prophet Muhammad pbuh has said regarding intentions? He pbuh said: “Deeds are considered by intentions, and a person will be rewarded according to his intention. So whoever emigrated for Allah and His Messenger, his emigration would be for Allah and His Messenger; and whoever emigrated for worldly benefits or for a woman to marry, his emigration would be for what he emigrated for. [Al Bukhari & Muslim]


What is your intention? Are you taking this husband or wife to be your FOREVER spouse (i.e. till you die)? Or just to fulfill your desires and that’s all!!! because if the person intended to marry for a couple of days, weeks or months only, then the marriage is invalid, a marriage that is linked with time period is not allowed in Islam, a marriage with the intention of getting divorced is not permitted in Islam. So as yourself now, what is the intention???


The marriage should be a lifetime process and not just to have a taste of ‘sweet talks and memories’!!! It was mentioned in one of the Egyptian news papers that now the rates of divorces has been increasing rapidly to reach 52% among young people!! Meaning half of those who get married are divorced now!!!! Why? Because he married her for only one reason!!! And that is LOVE (i.e. she’s beautiful and he is handsome)… Is that our standards for getting married? Just because she’s beautiful or that he is very funny and good looking then I could marry him or her? Then be sure, divorce would be the result. But if the marriage was intended to be for life (i.e. forever) and for the sake of Allah (i.e. worship, to please Allah, and to establish a righteous family) then the marriage will last.


Bear with me that:


1.Not only with love can we survive in this life.

2.Love does not solve all our problems.

3.Beauty is amongst the reasons of creating problems, so use your beauty (by observing the proper Hijab) and don’t misuse it.

4.Don’t think because you are beautiful that your husband must fulfill all your requests and that he must bear all your mistakes!!! Don’t think that she can’t live without you just because you are handsome or rich.


If your reason for getting married is only LOVE, then you have got a problem.


Dear brothers and sisters, MARRIAGE IS A LIFE, what do we mean by that? For example, those who love each other normally must speak on the phone, text each other; go out together couple of hours a week etc... But marriage is a LIFE, he is there for you day and night, and you too is there to bear with him the pressure of this life in the time of his anger, to be kind with her when she’s uncomfortable during her menstruation or pregnancy, in short, to stand together hand in hand in good times and also in hard times.


So expect that marriage must be 24 hours a day happiness and enjoyments, as we said, marriage is a life and so we must live our lives in a natural manner, we can’t be all the way in a peaceful mood, sometimes he is nervous, sometimes she’s busy cleaning and washing and smell onion and garlic, so you must bear these ugly moments together as you have enjoyed happy moments earlier.


So how can we bear those difficult situations that we face after marriage??? Both parties should be living together for the sake of Allah.


So don’t be fooled by sweet words that has nothing to do with ‘real love’. Those words (i.e. I love you, I can’t wait till I see you tomorrow, I miss you etc…) can never establish this life (i.e. Marriage), this so called LOVE will fail when face the reality of life, when facing difficult time that ‘LOVE’ will run away.


But if you want your marriage to last forever (i.e. till you die) then it should be done strictly for Allah’s sake.


TRUE MARRIAGE is the only way towards emotional security; that is when you become sure that your wife or husband truly loves you (i.e. the true love and not sweet talk love), how can you be sure??? Hard times and tough situations will prove whether he is playing around or serious, spending nice time till he goes back to his country or trying his best to establish an Islamic family? What is the intention?


Please remind yourself of the saying of Prophet Muhammad pbuh when he said:

"The eyes also commit zina, and their zina is the lustful look; the hands commit zina and their zina is the lustful touch; the feet commit zina and their zina is the going (to the place of fornication); and the heart loves and desire”


The heart can also love and desire in Halal manner, if he did so with his wife or if she love and desire her husband, So please fear Allah and care about His commands, be careful of the fornication of the heart which is to LOVE and to desire your “boyfriend or girlfriend”. It is a huge issue that we must be aware of, and the solution is very easy, and that is to love and desire in Halal manner as explained earlier (i.e. marriage), and that is what we call it the emotional security.


Please note: that to love your husband or wife is not a condition for the marriage to be valid.


Abdullah ibn Umar ibn el Khattab (May Allah be pleased with them), told his father “I wanted to divorce my wife” Umar told him “Why O my son?” he said: “I don’t love her” so thereupon Umar replied “Subhan Allah (Glory be to Allah) O my son, were all homes established upon love? So where is the protection (i.e. security) and where is the covenant?

Can you see the security of true marriage in Islam? Its not just because you hated or you don’t love your wife anymore is to divorce her, otherwise there is no security here, you may not love her anymore but she must remain your wife, she must be treated with all kindness and get all her rights as a wife.

Once the prophet was asked by someone “To whom shall I give my daughter in marriage?” so he PBUH replied: “to a religious man, because if he loves her he would treat her with all kindness, and if he hated her he would never oppress her”

This is what you should look for; this is the criteria of a good husband that you should be aware of, this is the criteria in which you should teach your children when they are about to marry insh a Allah in the future. However, the prophet Muhammad pbuh also asked us to look for a virtues man or women when we get married; means look also for a mannered person. Listen to the prophet pbuh when he said:

'No believing man should hate a believing woman; if he dislikes one of her characteristics, he will be pleased with another.”

This saying shows how humble and kind the husband is, he might dislike one of his wife’s characteristics, but he will do his best to find another quality in her which he may like and so, he will not care so much about what he dislike in his wife. Can you see how manners go hand in hand with our religion?

I wanted to say in brief, that in order for you to have a lasting marriage, you should first have TAQWA, you must fear God in what you are doing, you cannot attain this security without TAQW, but how can we be secured? By doing what is Halal, by doing what is right, by realizing that Allah is over watching us, and by ONLY doing what pleases Him.

So to answer the question of our topic today which is “Why do we get married?” in few words I would say:”TO ATTAIN SECURITY/SAFETY/PROTECTION OF EMOTIONS SO THAT THE HEART CAN LOVE AND DESIRE IN A LAWFUL MANNER”

Allah says: Whoever works righteousness, man or woman, and has Faith, verily, to him will We give a new Life, a life that is good and pure and We will bestow on such their reward according to the best of their actions. Qur’an 16:97

So if a person is getting married with the intention of pleasing Allah, then be sure that Allah will make your life easy in this regards, Allah who feels no difficulties in running this universe is able to also run your life easily and smoothly, just seek His pleasure in what you doing.

If you just follow Allah the way He wants you to be (i.e. true submission to His will), then He will be there for you in ways that exceeded your expectations.

Listen to our beloved prophet pbuh when he said:

"Three groups of people Allah obliged Himself to help them: Mujahid (i.e. he who struggles) in the cause of Allah, a worker to pay his debt, and the one who wants to marry to live a chaste life"

Can you imagine? It’s an obligatory on Allah to help you and make things easy for you if you just made an intention to live a chaste life, to protect your genitals from Haram ways then Allah will be your helper.

We ask Allah to protect us form AL FAHISHAH and AL MUNKAR (major sins and illegal sexual relationship) and help us live a chaste life. Ameen..Ameen..Ameen
Asalamu'alaikum

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