I am a female college student. My problem is that I have gotten to know a young man over the internet. In the beginning the relationship was one of respect and exchanging information, until it turned into love. My mother rejects the idea of me marrying him, and she has threatened to tell my father about this relationship. I cannot do without him and he feels the same way, because he has told me that he will commit suicide if we cannot get married. I hope that you can advise me. I cannot be apart from him and he does not.
Praise be to Allaah.
Note – may Allaah bless you – that our great religion firmly warns us against forming relationships between the sexes outside the framework of marriage and firmly closes the door to the calamity of introduction programs that are propagated by means of newspapers, magazines and the internet. These warnings are a means of warding off fitnah (temptation and tribulation) and preventing love affairs which usually lead people to commit acts of grave immorality and transgression of the sacred limits set by Allaah – Allaah forbid – or they lead them to marriages that end in failure and are filled with suspicion and mistrust.
Beware of making a third mistake by marrying him because he claims to love you sincerely and you are afraid that he may commit suicide!
Marriage that is not based on a sound Islamic foundation is doomed to end in failure and regret. A young man who has spent all this time forming a relationship with a girl through chat rooms and telephone calls is in fact a young man who has no religious commitment, modesty or manners, and he cannot be entrusted with the honour of the Muslims. His threat to commit suicide means one of two things:
Either he is sincere in his threat, which means that he is very weak in faith, because killing oneself is a major sin – may Allaah keep us safe and sound;
Or he is lying, which means that he is a hateful opportunist and a fool, as well as a selfish individual who cares only for his own personal interests.
If you were to marry this person, it would not take very long before suspicions arose which would lead to him losing trust in you and not having a peaceful or relaxed life with you. From his point of view, a girl whom he gets to know through talking on the phone or through chat rooms cannot be trusted not to form relationships with others. This will occupy his thoughts and make him anxious.
Finally, you should note that this advice which we are offering to you is based on sincere concern for you. You should learn a lesson from the experience of other girls who have fallen victim to love relationships and lost their honour as a result. You should give up this young man immediately and repent to Allaah and ask His forgiveness, and praise Him for saving you from committing immoral actions even though the means that lead to them are easily available. You should also praise Him for putting obstacles in the way of this marriage, through your family’s refusal. Start a new life filled with purity and chastity, regret and prayers for forgiveness, keeping away from the things that lead to temptation and immorality. Do a lot of righteous deeds, read a great deal of Qur’aan, and attend many righteous gatherings. With time, your relationship with this person will fade, for it is based on emotions that are not based on shar’i guidelines or wise thinking. Beware lest the Shaytaan ensnare you and makes you think that you cannot forget or sever the relationship forever; these are just whispers and tricks, and devilish attempts to keep you in the hell of love and emotion, and distract you from the higher aims of sincere devotion and submission to Allaah and constant striving to please Him. We ask Allaah to give you a way out from your distress and anxiety.
Dr Riyaadh al-Musaymeeri.