Sunday, January 22, 2012

Six Etiquette of Seeking a Spouse an Islamic Perspective

Six Etiquette of Seeking a Spouse an Islamic Perspective
01. Ask yourself "Why I am getting married ?"
            " Because of all my friends are " is not a legitimate reason. Marriage from an Islamic perspective, is part of faith and it is part of Sunnah of the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh).

02. Ask yourself
" What I am looking for in a spouse ? "
            Abu Hurairah (r a ) related that the Prophet (pbuh) said , " Men choose women for four reasons

  • For their money
  • For their rank
  • For their beauty
  • And for their religion  but marry one who is religious and you will succeed (Bukhari , Muslim)
03. If you are looking for a spouse , lower your gaze 

     "Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and be modest. That is purer for them. Lo ! Allah is aware of what they do." (surah An Noor:30)

    "And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and be modest , and to display their adornment only that which is apparent, and to draw their veils over their bosoms..." (surah An Noor:31)

Narrated Jabir Ibn Abdullah (r a) "When one of you asked women in marriage , if he is able to look at what will induce him to marry her , he should do so..." (Abu Dawud)

This means the two potential spouses can look at each other but not ogle or stare. Abdullah (r a) also noted that there is no limit on the number of times the two people can look at each other. However both should fear Allah and remember the purpose of this to satisfy the need for physical attraction to the person you are marrying. He also notes it is not permissible for a man to see a potential wife without hijab , since he is not her Mahram (a relative with whom marriage is not possible, or legally her Husband). Abdullah (r a) says seeing her face and hands are enough to determine attraction.

04. Get someone to help

05. When you meet don't be alone       
         "Whenever man is alone with a women the shaytan makes a third." (Tirmidi)
        " Not one of you should meet a women alone unless she is meeting alone, unless she is accompanied by a relative within the prohibited degrees." (Bukhari , Muslim)

06. When you speak , be businesslike and to the point
       The purpose of meeting and talking  to each other must also remain within Islamic guidelines. That means no flirtatious speech of sexual nature on either side.


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